Warning Signs That The Woman You're Dating May Have Borderline Personality Disorder
If you have just begun a relationship with a woman and you find yourself now searching the Internet to see if she has borderline personality disorder this may be your first red flag that your relationship is in some sort of trouble. The good news is you are hopefully catching things early and can position yourself better to deal with the fact that she may have borderline personality disorder. Many men get wrapped up in almost trapped into relationships with women with borderline personality disorder because of their unique ability to make you feel sorry for them and for them to place blame on others for why their life is the way it is. Here are some common things that may be red flags for borderline personality disorder or narcissism and the woman you have begun dating.
1. Does she immediately open up to you about abuse in her past?
2. Does she trash her ex-boyfriend or ex-husband even before you hardly get to know her. Does she seem to go on and on about her ex and how he ruined her life?
3. Does she have an unstable relationship with her parents?
4. Does she say bad things about her parents to you?
5. Does she seem very quick to fall in love with you and almost view you as her knight in shining armor?
6. Was she quick to have sex with you?
7. Does she have a difficult time being friends with other women?
8. Does she currently only have one friend that seems to keep coming back in and out of her life or does she have no friends at all?
9. Does it seem like a lot of bad things keep happening to her? Thrown out by her boyfriend, trouble with finances, trouble keeping a job etc
10. Does she seem to have very compelling stories and reasoning that explains why the bad things have happened to her (example, her ex-boyfriend made her run up her credit card debts and that's why her credit is bad)
11. Does she seem to want to move the relationship forward at a very quick pace?
12. She shown an interest in moving in with you?
13. Does she have screaming fits in front of you?
14. Does she start horrible yelling fights with you and when you try to leave she begs for you to stay?
15. But the she bought you extravagant gifts?
16. Is she willing to explore risky sexual behaviors?
17. Does she abuse drugs or alcohol?
If you've answered yes to more than a few of these questions the woman you're dating may have borderline personality disorder. Regardless of whether she has BPD or not this is probably not a woman you want to have a long-term relationship with. Don't get caught up in the whole "she needs me I can fix her" game, trust me, her ex-boyfriend thought the same thing. Good luck with your relationship, and remember the first thing I'm mentioned in this article if you are looking things up about your girlfriend online thinking she may have a mental illness that's probably not a good sign.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
I have a hard time believing that this was written with any semblance of objectivity.
"Was she quick to have sex with you?" Are you kidding? Men and women in western society have sex on the first date all the time. Were you quick to have sex with her? Does that mean YOU have BPD? Would you make similar judgments about a man who would be quick to have sex with someone?
"Does she say bad things about her parents?" Stats have shown that a significant number of people with personality disorders have very real histories of abuse or traumatic childhoods. My friend who is diagnosed BPD is an incest survivor whose parents neglected, isolated and abused her. This has been confirmed by doctors and relatives. Obviously she has bad things to say about her parents, if and when people ask about her family history.
"Does she have a difficult time being friends with other women?" Many women have difficulty being friends with other women. Women can be very competitive, it is no secret that they are usually harshest to each other, in the playground, the boardroom, the tabloid magazine…
As I stated, I have a friend with BPD, we previously dated and it would be an understatement to say that I have had difficulty in this relationship. This type of 'article' however, seems intent on pathologizing women with BPD without offering any kind of humanization. I ended a romantic relationship with someone who had BPD because it was unhealthy for both of us. Some of her behavior was definitely unacceptable -that doesn't mean I have to dehumanize her.
If you have been living with someone with BPD – then you have been suffering. The article above is not dehumanizing whatsoever. Any clinical-style description of any mental or physcial disorder is going to have a style of writing that might appear cold and removed, but also usually is written to encompass a large spectrum of observed symptoms in a large sample. By themselves symptoms may appear commonplace - for example take the disease lupus…symptoms in some people can be vague and mild and falsely attributed to commonplace ailments, yet the underlying real disease is incredibly destructive. BPD is an extraordinarily destructive disorder and falls within the sprectrum of mental health issues that are not well understood, probably rarely diagnosed accurately, and not treated very effectively relative to many other diseases or disorders. The list of "red flags" above may be benign at first glance, but taken has a whole or even if 2/3 of the list describes someone you know – then beware.
I have to second the comment Deb made…stop dehumanizing!! Seems that this article comes from a very biased and bitter person who has had bad experiences with someone with BPD. "Cold and removed" is an understatement for this piece, and most of the articles on this website seem to follow suit. Such a shame.
Bitter much? :] The relationship must have taken a toll on the editor’s soul? It seems like you have your own issues to work out. Your anger is misplaced ’cause they can’t help that they are mentally ill. They have a mental illness that affects their mind. What’s you’re excuse for being less of a person?
We are suppose to be the sane and understanding ones. We have the mental capacity to do so. your last paragraph is insensitive, unnessecary and not at all helpful. Most people that are googling this are are desperate. Try to be a bit more understanding and consider that it could also be the person whom thinks she might have BPD. If she is already suicidal and unstable reading that can’t be good.
Loving someone with mental illness is hard. It could slowly make us question our own sanity. I could see how you could be bitter. I find that people are usually more bitter after breakups only when the breakup reflects underline issues of our own insecurities that we already have about ourselves. Maybe you are an overachiever and you view it as something you worked hard at but failed. Whatever it is? Please deal with it ’cause it is obviously affecting your better judgement. I am posting this only ’cause I care. And you are intitle to express yourself just don’t do it on sites like these. Love is the only reason we are searching for answers, for more information with the desire to better understand these kinds of illness. So, we could help our fellow man in need. They are human too. If someone has abandonment issues abandoning them can’t be the answer.
One again I notice certain folk getting mad at forum posts. I’ve read a great many since I broke up with my Borderline. And what always stands out is this: only a Borderline can get so mad about BPD related articles. Also, and this doesn’t get much mention, the people that date Borderlines usually have Borderline traits themselves. Otherwise, I doubt the average Borderline would have entertained a relationship with them in the first place! Like attracts like! Your Borderline saw you coming a mile off!!!!
As for Borderlines that rant about BPD post. SHUT UP AND GET TREATMENT instead of whining your whole Goddamn life! Always the bloody victim; never the source of the problem! INTROSPECTION……..INTROSPECTION……………INTROSPECTION! Look back at your past relationships. How many hearts did you break dear BPD???? I needn’t ask in truth: MANY! Why? Because BPD’s tend to be self-serving and too content to wallow in their perceived victimhood. And so shall it continue! I too have traits. How do I know? Because, following my own disastrous BPD relationship with a lady that seemed “perfect” to begin with, I did a LOT of soul searching after it ended and realised, to my horror and pain, that I too had played a significant part in the relationship chaos….
I’m not fully BPD (thank God!), but as an OCD sufferer I got traits. That’s WHY I was so attracted to my BPD. I saw in her what I see in me! Nothing so easy as falling in love with one’s own reflection. And this is where the problems begin. BPD’s are manipulative. Possibly not knowingly although, it needs saying, most are pretty bright and must surely have at least an idea of what they’re doing! If I can recognise BPD traits in myself I’m damned certain a full BPD knows the score.
In truth BPD’s ENJOY the condition just as they enjoy their pain! They wallow in it and wouldn’t swap it for real LOVE if their lives’ depended on it! BPD is a close relative of psychopathy! YES! That word…
Soooooooooooooo, BPD whingers, SHUT UP and get help! Never mind folding your arms like kiddies and sulking about how badly you were treated. TOUGH! The world is a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad old place. We ALL got hurt. Instead of moaning on about your poor old life and what the cosmos owes you, get treatment! STOP destroying peoples lives with your sob stories! It’s disgusting behaviour!
For more enlightenment read my blog: http://thegoodnarcissist.wordpress.com/
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